I took a while to understand and accept that beauty is not what I can buy from the market; or that something that changes to my look is not beauty.
Growing up in a typical Indian society and Desi family, where all my sisters where fair in color and I was the only one who is wheatish brown, I always felt a little different but in a bad way. My aunts always give me Desi remedies for fair skin but they really did not work because it was my skin color and skin color never changes, it can just get a little glowy. In India, typical old house aunties believe, fair is beauty and dark is dirty.
When I started high school, I become so insecure about my skin that I started using different skin products that led to loads of skin infections and allergies. I started hating myself, simply because I did not have a proper skin type. I started judging myself as a bad girl. That was bad!
I eventually started finding ways to escape my true self. Somehow, I finished high school. When you start judging yourself as a bad human you lose lots of thing – self-esteem, self-love, and you end up hating your surroundings. That is exactly what happened with me!
I went to a different school for my 11th and 12th years where people where good but not so welcoming. I end up with more feelings of negativity and I hated school. After my 12th year I decided to take a break because I was unhappy with myself and didn’t wanted to start my college with this personality.
During this year, I came across a very interesting thing - something which I was always looking for around the markets and in society was already inside me. I started reading books which helped me see the word with a different perspective. When I was in middle school, I was an active participant in all the sports activity and that year I started with horse riding. I started engaging myself in cultural and social activities. I didn't let any false and negative assumptions or ideas affect my new lifestyle. After four year of struggling to find beauty, I realized it was always within me. Today I can claim that 2019 was one of my most productive years until today.
Sometimes you just need to take a step back and analysis what is within you and around you. Believe in yourself, gods have better plan; than what you learn from our society. Never judge yourself based on someone else’s assumptions.
