I was the kind of person who was dependent on others for even trivial issues. I always walked towards my path depending on others, and always blindly listened to other's opinions. Other's opinions and criticism affected me very much. I cared about what others said too much and my thoughts were automatically surpassed. Not only that. I was dependent on others for being loved, being helped, being consoled, being cared. I didn’t know how powerful I was. I didn’t know about the light inside of me. I thought that I always needed other people to guide me. I didn’t know my own existence can make a difference. I didn’t know that I myself can help me, and others.
At the age of 13, I found a friend. My first real friend. She was the first one who made me realize who I am, and that my existence is a great deal. She made me think that my existence has it’s own meaning and can make a difference. She brought the best out of me and taught me how to love myself. That was the beginning. I started to care about my own thoughts more and stop letting others surpassing myself. I started to believe in myself. But even then I was dependent on my friend for some decisions, for being consoled when I felt low. I needed her to pick myself up during hard times. Always.
Years passed. I was discovering the light inside myself and the map of my soul gradually. I was realizing the importance of my existence and living. I felt that I could be the one who would contribute in someone's life, or change someone's life.
All my life I thought I must have at least one friend to stand by me and for my happiness. I also thought if I have no friend, my life would fall apart. But my perception has changed this year, at the age of 16, after losing my only friend. Now I am learning to live by myself, help myself, keep myself happy, pick myself up and console myself during hard times. I also follow the 'LOVE MYSELF' campaign. It helps me to find myself, encourage myself, accept myself and make myself happier. I thought it was impossible to look after myself all on my own. But after starting this, I understand that it may be difficult, but not impossible. Sometimes it hurts really bad when I think that I have no friend. Sometimes I really need a friend but I don’t have one. Sometimes it’s hard enough for me to be all by myself. But now I feel most like me, myself. I am now self-dependent. Now I know that I can be one of the countless stars, spread my light and make a difference.
I am not telling to be all alone, but I am telling you be self-dependent and trust yourself. I am encouraging you to find the light inside of you. All of us have light inside of ourselves. Our duty is to find it. And in case you feel like you are all alone, try to take care of yourself instead of waiting for others. Of course you should seek help, but if you cannot get it, try to be your own helper. Be your own sunshine. If you want your light to reach far and wide, let the light shine on yourself first. Listen to the voice inside of you.
- J-Hope of BTS
